Post Vacation Blues

James: "Lillian clean up your toys?"
Lillian:  "Ahhh. Again?"

Dear Lillian, Mommy feels the same way. 

I have fallen into the doldrums, the ho hums, the blahs.  The "I did laundry yet can't get the energy to actually hang anything up so the clothes will stay here on the chair next to the closet."  It's a terrible funk to be in because I know, I will surely pay.

As I was washing dishes (a chore that I normally do without 2nd thought but have only been doing as of late out of pure guilt.  James does all the shopping and cooking these days after all), I thought to myself, "Self, when did this feeling take over?" and the Spot on my Brain said "DUH! It started on Friday"   Of course! Friday! The first day back to work and reality from vacation.  The first day back to life without too much excitement (aka VACATION) to look forward to.

This evening, as I was continuing to get Lillian to clean up in the back room, you know what I did?  I read.  Not like this is a big sin but if you saw my house, you would know that there was PLENTY of things needing to be done.  Plenty of more important things than reading a book that I really, really don't like (anyone read Husband and Wife?). But that's what I did.

It's times like these I spend thinking of how nice it would be to stay at home full time.  That way this house would be spotless. I would be able to run around to 5 different stores to ensure I get the best price for bacon.  Lillian would be reading at a 1st grade level.  Only if......

Of course, I know entirely too many stay-at-home Moms who can assure me that none of the above would happen.  But  a girl can dream and make herself all depressed, right?

And why is it, in these moods of pure laziness - both mentally and physically - I feel like a total failure at my weight loss?  Can I BE any more self destructive?  Even with a good weight loss this week, I can't help but to think how I'm f'ing up this week.  My scale, my obsession, says I have gained. Yes, I have time to lose it but what if I don't?  The sane part of me says "If you don't, there's always the next week. CHILL OUT".  The crazy part of me, you know - Spot, says "If you only started this program 5 months ago, think about how skinny you would be."

I have had this funk before.  The problem is I can't remember how to snap myself out of it.  Maybe the clutter will become too much eventually.  Maybe Lillian will say "Hey Mommy, why don't you do a little bit of cleaning yourself there?"  Maybe I just need to force it upon myself.  Like now, I will be forcing myself to get up and finish the dishes (I stopped just to come here and write this) and take the remainder of the garbage out. 

Maybe tomorrow night, I will actually straighten up the living room.  I hope my brain Spot begins to cooperate.  I'll let you know.