Some Days

Most days, I function just fine.  Most days, I go about my business.  Most days, I juggle without much complaint.  Most days, being a working mother is just the reality of my world. 

Some days, Lillian wakes up before I leave and she says, "Mommy, please don't go to work.  Stay home with me."  Some days, the sadness of missing her so many hours a day is overwhelming.  Some days, I have to chose between my professional and my personal life.

99.9% of the time, my family ranks #1 on my priority list.  I will rearrange my schedule, take a day off, or even make up a little fib in order to make an appearance at the first day of preschool or the Halloween party or the Holiday Musical Extravaganza.  Not once have I looked back at any of those decisions and regretted not being at work.

Then today arrived.  And I'm stuck. 

Her first parent/teacher conference.  Yes, she's only 4.  Yes, this is only preschool.  Will missing a 10 minute discussion on Lillian's progress be the end of the world?  No.  Willl Lillian even notice my absense? Unlikely.  Will James do just fine representing the both of us?  Yes. 

But this is something I should be at.  That I want to be at.  Honestly, it's not even the conference that I'm upset about missing.  But I had planned with my early departure from work  to take Lillian to the library after the conference. She loves playing on the computers and doing puzzles just like I did when I was her age.  I would take her to the store to pick out the ingredients for the homemade strawberry frosting for the cupcakes that we'll be making tomorrow.  I had plans to do things with her that I can't do on a normal workday.

I have A LOT going on today and tomorrow at work.  But I had planned to shift and make do so I could leave early.  It would make things more challenging for me but there is no question that it would be well worth it.

Today though, I walked into the lobby at work and on a big easal that I placed out last night myself, announced the meeting of a group that I "lead".  By leading, I mean sitting in the room and making sure everyone registers.  How did I put that poster up myself and not have it click that a group that meets on Thursday from 4-6 would NOT interfer with my plans of leaving at 1:30 today? 

Now everything is just adding up.  I do not know if I can realistically have all these balls in the air.  I'm stumbling and today something is going to fall.  And it is breaking my heart that Lillian's ball is the one that I'm loosing my grip on. 

Me, Stylish? Well schucks!

Stylish is definitely not a word typically used to describe me but I thank Michele at Just Add Whine....and Wine for the Stylish Blogger Award! 

So here's the dealio:

1. Make this post and link back to the person who gave the award to me.

2. Share 7 things about myself.

3. Award 5 great bloggers.

4. Contact the bloggers to tell them they’ve won!

Without further ado, I present to you - Seven Things about Sarah

1.  I almost killed a woman because of the creature below.  Strangulation.  The victim?  My mother.  I was so terrified of ET that I clung to my mother's neck in complete homicidal fear.  Although I am not scared of him today, 29 years later...take a look.  He really is freaky looking.

2. I never spent the night in a hospital, never had surgery until I had Lillian.  Not only was she born via C-section  but 3 months after, my gallbladder was removed and then my appendix out the next year. Plus the spots on the brain....having a baby has been hazardous to my health.

3.  Keeping on the health front, my body is just weird.  I never had any pain associated with my gallbladder. The docs caught it by accident.  My appendix? A little stitch in my side and I just happened to be at the doctor for another reason so I mentioned it.  My body would not respond to being induced.  Don't even talk to me about pain medications.  I can take Vicodin & Valium  like M&Ms and not be effected.  

4.  I ran my first (possibly only) 5K this summer.  I did awesomely bad! I think one person knows my time.

5. I am spending entirely too much time trying to think of unique and/or interesting things to say about myself.  I do not see this as a good sign of me living an exciting life.

6. My college career began as a Pre-Physical Therapy major.  I learned quickly that my strengths were not in the science and math arena.  I quickly changed to English.  

7. As an English/Writing major, I naturally took several creative writing classes.  I did well in them all yet I was always so guarded to show anyone my writing outside of my classroom.  Writing this blog and actually letting more than a handful of people know about it is a major step.  But if one of my life goals is to be published, I best get used to it.

OK, that was totally painful and now it is the following blogs turn.....

1. Elsa @ Semi-Crunchy, Semi-Sane 

2. Michelle @ Mom Gone Wild 

 3. Nancy @ Crazy Mrs. Nancy 

 

4. Sarah @ Sarah Says... 

 

 5. AJ @ Life is in the Simple Things

Thanks for reading!

The Ex-Files

(Witty, original title I know)




The epic tale of James hearts Sarah:   James cleans up puke for Sarah.  Years pass.  James kisses Sarah outside of bar.  It's what movies are made of...

But with all great movies, things didn't start out quite go so smoothly.  After all, I was just a rebound and he just couldn't get rid of.

Before me came she.  The ex.  Sure James had loads of names in his little black book but that last girl hurt him good.  Lies, betrayal, unfaithfulness...all the things that make up a not-so-great love story. 

Even I had an encounter with the Ex way back when James and she dated.  An encounter that resulted in me completely avoiding James and the Ex for a good year.  Wanna ask me about the encounter? Only very, very few people know. 

And I kinda like it like that. 

So why am I writing about it when I won't spill the beans, dish the dirt, air my dirty laundry?  Well, what's a vampire/human/werewolf love story that doesn't leave you scratching your head a little?

But that was 10 years ago.  James, I believe, has moved on.  But thanks to Facebook (the destroyer of thousands of relationships), guess who emailed the hubby?


Ex wrote that she was so sorry for the way she treated him, his family.  That she knows that she was a horrible person back then but she's changed.  She went on to say that she now has 4 kids (FOUR!) and has seen the error in her ways, blahblahblah.

Surprised? Yes! 
Convinced? Not really. 
Does it matter? Nopers

I do hope that Ex truly is changing her path only if it's for her children.  I have no doubt that people can change for the better if they truly focus and put their mind to it.  Perhaps this email is her way of getting the ball rolling.  If that's the case, more power to her.

James reaction, I believe, was one of surprise and perhaps a bit of confusion and maybe even a bit of relief that he doesn't have four children with this woman.  He asked "What, am I supposed to do, friend her now?" and to that I say, "No, no you do not".  I think he'll actually take my advice on that one.

And so with barely a bump, our romantic comedy continues its course to the next hiccup.  Here's hoping the next one includes George Clooney. Now wouldn't that be an awesome blog to read?

THE END

Price Check

You have heard the joke, the funny scenario many times before.   You are at a check out line, purchasing something embarrassing (this can range from douche products, x rated magazines with unfortunate titles, box of extra small or extra large condoms.  You get the point) and the check out person has to yell out "Price Check - Summer's Eve Extra Strength Feminine Hygiene - 82 ounce bottle" . 

Yea, well I had one of those moments last night.  For some, this may not sound like a big deal at all.  But I'm the type of gal who never appreciated bathroom humor or jokes about one's bodily functions.  I am a big ol prude that way.  Keep that in mind as you read....

My dear child doesn't like to poop.  She holds it in and fights going.  I believe without a doubt that if we didn't bribe her with chocolate (more specifically she has weaseled her way into "Mommy's favorite Chocolate" aka Lindt Truffles), she would be going on 6 months with no bowel movement.  This has been an ongoing battle that has resulted in phone calls to the doctor and a dose of glycerin suppository and now a steady diet of Miralax. 

Yesterday, I ran out to Walgreen's to pick up a new bottle.  The store brand bottle was on sale for $6.  Sweet!  Now, I admit to a little tiny bit of embarrassment when picking up a laxative.  Sure, I want to say to the check out guy "Ohh yea, my 4 year old has trouble pooping. This is totally not for me" but I don't because, hey I'm an adult and I should be able to handle things like buying laxatives and Skittles all in one transaction.

When my total comes to $14, pride (and cheapness) overtakes embarrassment and I ask just how much that laxative rang up for.  I tell him its on sale and he gets another guy to do a price check.  Since I hate being that person in line, I insist on check out guy to void out my transaction and to take other customers.  Eventually other guy comes back with this MEGA bottle of off brand Miralax.  Like seriously, I've seen bigger containers of Gatorade being poured over a coach after a winning game.   He's like "This is $19!" showing the entire line my daughter's poop medicine.  Really it's for my daughter!!

Things are quickly resolved when I take my little friend to the aisle to where the nice sale sign is displayed in bright yellow.  I pay for my, I mean her, medicine and my Skittles and leave Walgreen's with my head up and several laughing customers behind. 

Tuesday: Worse then Monday?

I was planning on posting this on Monday but, well, I forgot.  Instead of waiting until next Monday, I began to think that really, Tuesday is just as bad or if not worse then Monday.  Sure you have one day down but it's still a long week ahead of you.  You're just stuck in the middle.   Wednesday you see hope and you can make as many innuendos as you would like about Hump Day.

I wanted to share a link to one of my all time favorite blog posts. The first time I read it, I could not help but to say "YES! YES!".  Because, we have all had one of those days.  So I share with you this post by Hyperbole and a Half.  While you're there, check out her other posts whenever you need a good laugh.

Sneaky Hate Spiral

Dating.

I have never been very good at dating.  I've never been much of a flirt and I was continually paranoid about having enough conversation to keep things flowing.  (Un)lucky for me, I really didn't do all that much dating in my life.  Somehow I managed to snag myself a man and almost 7 years later, remain married and most of the time quite happily.

I am at a new stage in life, one that is just as frightening - if not more so - as dating in your 20s.  Dating in  your 30s. But this dating is a whole new ball game.  I'm not looking for a man to kiss at the end of the night, I'm looking for another woman to sit back, drink wine and gossip with...I'm looking for a Friend Date.

Ever since high school, I am friends with many people but connect to a relatively small percent of them.  I've been excluded, I've been overlooked and most times, I'm sure, it's not even personal.  I'm just not the person you call to go grab a bit to eat with but I really want to be that person.

Now with those people I do connect with?  It's great but I'm lazy.  There, I said it, I can be a very lazy friend who doesn't reach out nearly as much as I should.  Shame on me.

Recently, however, I have been putting in the effort with someone new and from an unexpected place...Lillian's preschool.  Since James does all the drop off/pick up, I figured I would never get a chance to bond with the other Moms.  But one day, when I was there, a Mom approached me and said that her daughter always talked about Lillian.  We left saying that we should set up a play date at some point.

I decided to finally take some initiative and sent James to school with a note for the other Mom with my email address.  Since then we've emailed and text...we even set up a play date.

I picked out an outfit, put make up on, and tried to arrange it so I would arrive at the mall at the perfect time.  My mind raced with conversation topics from TV shows to holiday shopping.  My heart flip flopped hoping for a good date not filled with hesitation and awkward silences.

The date went well.  We had fun.  Plenty of conversation.  Our children alternated having temper tantrums.  Life is grand.

I am happy to report that our Mommy play date has since blossomed into a friendship with the two of us dining out on Saturday night.  This upcoming weekend? A movie!  The best part, the dear, sweet, loving James will be home with not only Lillian but her daughter as well.

I am proud of myself because I am making an effort to grow this new friendship.  If I haven't heard from her, I'll pick up the phone and text.  I initiated going out to a movie.  Now, I need to work on my already established relationships...which may even mean you.

This is NOT a resolution.

The future depends on what we do in the present. - Mahatma Gandhi

I have a bad habit of not finishing what I start. I get excited about something, dive in and yet I end up losing interest, get focused on something else, or just can't figure out how to balance.  Sometimes I don't even attempt something because I'll just assume that eventually I will stop so why bother starting.  

In my heart, I know this is not the way to live life.  I know that I can change if I just allow myself to.  So here I am, once again, starting things up here as part of my seeking peace within myself.  I have been yearning for some sort of spiritual awakening yet I have done little to nothing to put myself on the path of enlightenment.  Now, I want to do something about it.

This morning at work, I was leafing through a magazine and saw an article about a Gretchen Rubin who wrote the book The Happiness Project .  In skimming the article and her website, it looks like each month she focused on a particular category (Money, Marriage, etc).  I said, "Why that's not a half bad idea".  I also said "Damn it, another idea that could have so easily have been mine and I could have been making millions of dollars by now. I mean, HELLO...PILLOW PET!"

On her website, http://www.happiness-project.com/ , you can sign up and she'll send assignments out for you each month but I figured I could easily fill up 12 months worth of areas that I have been wanting to explore on my own.  Granted, it may not all be ground breaking stuff but it will be areas in which I am interested and want to explore.

When to start?  Do I wait til Feb? I really don't want to although my first planned topic of Fitness sure would be easier to swallow on a month with only 28 days.  Maybe I should read her book first and get some inspiration?  Of course, that does take me getting myself out to the library.

Well, I will start by getting of this blog site at work for the time being and start coming up with some ideas.  I will use this blog to document my experiences but also for all the other stuff in my life that I would like to share with the world.

So, I will either appear here again shortly or you won't see me for another 6 months when I will entitle a new post "Ooops, I Did It Again".