An Open Letter

Dear Mom and Dad,

I don't know how you did it with four of us ―the sleepless nights, the constant worry.  Sure, we provided countless hours of love and joy―particularly that last child of yours–―but for so many years, we took, took, took.  After all, that is what children do.  It's what we were supposed to do.  And it is the hope for every parent out there that as your child ages, he or she will look back with admiration and love for all the sacrifice you have given over the years.  But it certainly is a long wait, isn't it?

You two survived the Terrible Twos not once, not twice, not thrice but four whole times.  Even more amazing is that you made  it through adolescence with four hormonal teenage girls sharing one bathroom.  You survived the chicken pox times 4, learning to drive times 4, dating times 4 and weddings times  4.

Somehow you put on a brave face through the tough times...the times that I now realize caused you tremendous worry―the worry I feel now with every fever, with every drop off that doesn’t include me.  That type of worry that digs through my heart with a little spork hitting each nerve throughout my entire body. Especially at my brain where it goes haywire with thoughts that I never want to verbalize.  

You dealt with illnesses―at one point being told (incorrectly) your oldest had cancer.  You put keys in our hands and told us to drive safely. You dropped us off at a college dorm where we were wisely told by Dad, "Don't trust college boys."  You let us grow up. But I now know that deep down, that must have been completely and utterly terrifying. 

I am only on year number 4 - a mere rookie in your eyes.  But now I understand.  I feel what you felt. What you still feel.  And now, just because your babies have babies all their own, it doesn't mean things get easier. You still kiss us goodbye and tell us to drive carefully.  You offer up chicken soup when we call to tell you that we are sick.  You will be driving 1000 miles to see one of us before she leaves for Afghanistan.  There will always be that love living cozily among  the fear.  And to make things even more complicated, you've got yourself 11 grandchildren to add to that worry list.

So Mom and Dad, I send to you so much love, admiration and appreciation. To all the newbie Mothers and Fathers: all your worry and love is normal and will one day be appreciated...you may just have to wait awhile.  To all the veteran Moms and Dads: although the worrying never ends, the eye rolling does cease and understanding finally awakens.